Protest The Pope
Say NO to an official State Visit to the UK
Letter to Archbishop Vincent Nichols and the Catholic Church in England and Worldwide
Dear Sir,
I am sure you won’t remember me, but I was dealing with the CPO in Birmingham just prior to your move to Westminster.
You very kindly wrote to me with your thoughts and prayers, after presumably learning some of the details of the serious sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of a Catholic priest, Father John Nicholson, when I was a child.
It transpired that this rapist, who is now dead, had belonged to the Sacred Heart order and so they are now dealing with my complaint. However, the fact remains that this rapist was part of the larger church, despite everyone preferring to transfer responsibility.
As an abused child, I knew nothing of “orders” or “dioceses” or anything hierarchical, all that I knew was that a priest, of the kind who I had been brought up to revere, seriously sexually abused me when I was ten years old, on the eve of my confirmation, and then raped me when I was thirteen, in my own bedroom in my own home. He then hid behind his office, and the fact that my Mother, who had caught him in the act, was too “Priest obsessed” to protect me or seek justice on my behalf.
It ruined my life. It left me with the legacy of Alcoholism, addiction, serious self harming, eating disorder, fear , shame, guilt, unworthiness, inability to form relationships, trust anyone, feel anything more than an outcast, and on occasions be suicidal.
It took away anything in my life that could have been Good, or wholesome, or Spiritual, and it destroyed most of my prime years, my teens and twenties, which I can never replace.
It left me with impediments that I have had to work hard on for my entire life, and even now, aged 62 it has the ability to bring me to my knees with sadness, and make me wake in the night with terror. Despite any of my successes.
The point of my letter is by way of a “PRIMAL SCREAM”
I am so sick and tired of being patronised, anonymised and disregarded by the Church. And the recent obsequious apologies that have come from your offices are doing nothing to help people like me, they are simply making matters worse.
None of the announcements pay any regard to the people like me, the VICTIMS , of these greedy, criminals who have often been hidden and protected, and have destroyed so much.
The emphasis as ever is on “healing” and “forgiveness’ but that for the Church, not for me. How can it be when you have no idea what I need!
I have been clean and sober now for over thirty years, I have become a respected professional in the field of addiction treatment, and in fact received a “Lifetimes achievement award” at the Royal Society of Medicine last month for my contribution into the field of addiction.
The work that I do has no doubt been fueled by my imperfect past , it has indeed given me a unique ability to help others.
When I first got sober,it was with the help if the twelve step programme of Alcoholics Anonymous, and it, and other addicts in recovery saved my miserable life. Since then I have been privileged to help others in the same way.
Part of the programme that we feel very strongly about is the steps which tell us we should “make amends” to all the persons we have harmed. We take that part of our programme very seriously, and as newly sober self pitying sniveling wretches that we often are at that stage, we are told very quickly that “making amends” does NOT just mean saying “SORRY”! that is easy!
Making amends means trying to put things right! trying to put things back to where they would have been before we damaged them!
If we are serious about recovery, we are told to be painstaking about this part of it, not to presume what would help our long suffering families, but to humble ourselves and ask THEM. And then to do everything in our power to make these amends, with no thought about our own selfish needs.
So perhaps you should now consider the REAL humility of the recovering addict, often shunned by society, but who have discovered the capacity to be honest.
MAKE AMENDS!! stop praying for us, thinking if us, asking God for forgiveness, that is exactly the the self pitying ,self ingratiating lip service that drives us mad. Stop trying to find any legal loophole to wriggle out of.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.
Make financial recompense where it is requested, certainly, for me, the Church has nothing else I want. And be seen to be doing it! Show that somewhere you have a real desire to put things right.
You say that the priests in question are a “minority” so presumably you would consider that there are only a minority of victims too? so why are you not bending over backwards to help us? Why are you not asking me what I need? Why are you not seeking us out and making those amends?
Read my story, listen and absorb every ghastly detail, and THEN tell me what you are prepared to do. Do not anonymise me I do not want to be hidden away any longer! Recognise me personally, and publicly and allow me to show my wounds.
I will continue to strive to have a voice, and use my relatively high profile professional position to help give others a voice, either with your help or without it.
But I can hardly believe that the Church is so stupid that it cannot see that there is a real opportunity here to show some of the compassion and humility that it preaches so fervently.
The sorrow you say you feel about the criminal acts should be extended to the sorrow you should be feeling for the way it is all being handled. Work with us and FOR us!
Stop talking the talk, and WALK THE WALK.
I will await some response
Sue Cox Bsc.Lic AC.M.B.AC.C.
April 2010
Sue Cox was raped by a Catholic priest when she was a child. She received a lifetime achievement award this year for her contribution to the treatment of addiction, and used that occasion to highlight her background and the Church’s appalling attitude. After fifty years of fear, she has found the courage to face the Church, the Archbishop and their empty obsequious apologies.
Sue Cox will talk in Conway Hall on Tuesday 14th September at 7.30 pm, introducing the movie “Deliver Us From Evil” the story of Father Oliver O’Grady, a paedophile priest who was moved by the Catholic Church from parish to parish in the US, permitting him to continue his campaign of rape and exploitation in new settings.
Sue. nice one. I too am a survivor. I was in the care of the St John of God Brothers/Daughters of Charity. I was taught how to hate my mother. single parent. living in Tipperary. country areaIreland were from the pulpits women who were single/pregenant were condemed. denied the right to know who this woman was.
the Irish government entered into a deal with senior members of religious congreagations. 6th June 2002. the indemnity deal. which denied us justice. I recieve compensation of 70,000 euro we as people were denied the right to justice.
empty words political in action allowd these people. to walk. who tells us that they are human, educated professional, while the political leaders of Ireland, jumped when the office of Archbishops, bishops Cardinals said so. we as people who are survivors, stopped been on our knees got up, joined with other people to demand justice. we were not going to be on our own. we took ourselves from the crucifixes and started living. been there with others, along with solicitors. who were demified for standing with us. then the ex leader of the Irish government. Ahern told elected politicians he had no apologise to make. in having direct connectons to the Archbishops Palace.
then we had chair-person justice Mary Laffoy, who was forced. to resign from her position. of the independent commission to inquire, into how children were treated in state and religious institutions, in 2003. citing because of political interference, into the workings of the commission, by ex ministers of education, Mary Hanafin. Noel Dempsey. along with the refusal of co-operation from the Christian brothers. Sisters of Mercy. along with Cardinal Desmond o Connells office.
a journalist Mary Rafferty with, Dr. Eoin o Sullivan done a documentary. state of fear. which was shown on Iris tv. 1999.
Good luck to you.
I hope for the success of those who are trying to obtain some kind of justice from the catholic church. Good luck also to those who are trying to stop the pope’s forthcoming tax paid visit to the British Isles.
My heart goes out to you. An excellent letter that should be more widely read.
I was not physically abused, but consider myself emotionally abused by the Catholic church at a horrid ignorant little prep school in Woverhampton.
Most of the uneducated female teachers and nuns had come from Ireland and, I think, were just repeating on us poor kids the sort of vile abuse they had received from the Catholic church in Ireland. There was certanly no love.
I don’t know what the answer is to all the lies,bigotry and corruption in the Catholic Church. I am horrified that our UK Government is supporting the Pope and his Church and even seems to be colluding in the cover ups. I will be attending the Protest the Pope march, of course in Sept.2010 Wish I could do more. All success to you in your efforts to unveil the total sham of the Catholic Church.
I’m full of admiration for you. In a just society, the man would be arrested the moment his flaky lips touch Scottish soil. And an absolute disgrace that the British government is using the taxes of a generally irreligious public to fund “faith” schools here! That these individuals continue to evade justice must be very difficult for you. Yours, C.
Sue Cox,you are a marvellous & eloquent woman.I am an atheist,not a Catholic,but I have been a teacher & realise that to betray the innocence & trust of children is one of the most despicable of evils,& to protect those who do so is to compound that evil.Justice will not be done until the last stone from the last Catholic Church falls on the last Priest.
Sue – This letter is excellent, precise and very much to the point. It deserves much wider publication and I suggest it is offered to the Irish Times for publication, as well as newspapers in Boston, New York and Sydney amongst others.
The Catholic Church must be forced to change its approach to this scandal. Seeing it from the victims viewpoint and truly acknowledging its mistakes. Sue’s letter makes this case clearly and forceably.
Edna O’Brian wrote one of her early novels about a similar event. Her book was of couse dismissed out of hand as fiction and banned by the Irish Government.
Would that we had the opportunitiy in the Swinging Sixties to recognise these evil creatures hanging onto power by any means and misleading their flock as to the nature of their truth.
For me, it accelerates the march of civilisation from multi-theism through mono-theism to zero-theism.
There is no God to bring these villians (perpetrators and their protectors)to book. So we need to support Sue in her quest for justice and make sure they not only Walk the Walk but are clearly seen to do so.
I just had o say how humble I feel having read all of your comments, you have no idea how much they all mean.It is people like you that have restored my faith in humanity, and I will certainly keep on being as verbal as I can to help others find a voice. knowing that there are people like you all supporting that effort will make it all a lot easier.X
Hi Just to say that you are prof that one can rise out of the dreadfull past and be strong enough to get support like you are. Your story is a very sad and disturbing one.
Which boils the blood and leaves one hoping people some day will see sense and boot this dreadfull religion into touch.
Take care
This is an excellent letter Sue and one that should be disseminated. I’ll be forwarding a copy to all the major press in Britain, Ireland and the US. I also know a lot of people who feel this way and will be asking them to do the same.
Victims of the Catholic church have been silenced for far too long. It’s way past time the whole world was made aware of these crimes and this archaic institution made to face proper justice.
I’d like to wish you all the best in your endeavours and hope the church will be made to make amends to yourself and all other vistims.
Thanks for sharing this with us. I was lucky enough to be brought up in a secular manner, so I have never had to deal with anything like this.
It is for people like you that I will be attending the protest rally on the 18th. I hope many others will do the same.
I just wanted to send my admiration and thanks for your courage in sharing what is a heart-rending account. I was brought up a catholic myself, and being a gay man, can relate my own tale of shame and guilt that this institution has wrought, but this in not the time or the place for that.
I sense that what is needed is a really deep understanding of what makes this institution tick, and how its certain abusive members are allowed to continue unabated, and without being brought to justice. It is so very tempting and understandable to want to approach this hugely complex and toxic issue with rage, and this is entirely appropriate (I include myself in this). However, one needs to stand back a little and look down upon the whole institution with a genuinely analytic and neutral eye, to really comprehend just how destructive this church is.
You mention “primal scream”, and this touches very much on what I am hinting at. If one can begin to understand on a primal level how this church operates, then the reasons for its many destructive laws and practices, both individually and collectively, will start to reveal themselves. This does not, I admit, enable you to receive a full and genuine apology, which, I supect will not be forthcoming, but it actually gives one something which is ultimately far more empowering, and that is profound understanding. In a nutshell, what we are looking at here is a deeply defended, psychotic and schizoid institution, acting out profound unresolved issues on a personal and communal level, held together by a group of men, (the pope and cardinals) who are the most disturbed of all.
Thank you once again for your very moving and open account. May your hugely valuable work inspire others to come forward so that the real truth may be revealed.